Parenting Seminar

Last night we attended a parenting seminar based on the Hal Perkins book, "If Jesus Were a Parent". I have questions that will probably be answered when I read the book, but I have to tell you, some of the concepts struck me as profound. I fell asleep thinking about it last night, and woke up thinking about it this morning.

The premise of Hal Perkins' philosophy is that parenting is a lifelong process of training your children to be disciples of Jesus, just as Jesus discipled his followers. One of the take-aways from the seminar that really struck me was the importance of spending quality, one-on-one time with your children.... individual time, separate from the other children in the family. This one-on-one time is important because it communicates to the child that (s)he is valued and important. It's a time for relationship building. 

When they discussed the importance of spending regular one-on-one time with your children, I had an "ah ha" moment. I can count on one hand the times I spent with my parents apart from my siblings. I have wonderful, Christ-like parents. So many kids grow up in broken homes. Ours was a stable, loving home. I am blessed! I say that to be clear that I'm not bashing my parents. However, I know my parents don't claim to be perfect, and they understand that the nature of growth is acknowledging what we can do better. As an adult, I know that I was (and still am) important to my parents. But I didn't always feel that way when I was a growing up. The younger kids demanded more attention (understandably), and many times I felt like I was last in line. I often felt like I was unimportant, just one of the four. (Again, I know that wasn't true, but that's how I felt.) So I decided last night that no matter what life brings (work, church, etc.) I will make an intentional effort to spend one-on-one time with Jackson. Time that is only for him. Time Jackson will remember so he can reflect on his childhood and know with certainty that aside from being Christ followers, nothing else was more important to John and me than Jackson.

Another take-away was the importance of learning to listen to your children. Just as Jesus did with his disciples, parents should learn to ask their children questions (again with the goal of developing a relationship) that allow children to share their thoughts and feelings. That's powerful. Practicing the skill of listening (without interjecting my opinion) will be a challenge for me. But I'm determined to embrace that practice because it's important for Jackson to know his thoughts and feelings are valued and valid!

So why did the seminar impact me so profoundly? Probably because it appealed to my deep feelings of inadequacy. I've always feared that I wouldn't be a good mother. That's one of the main reasons I use to say I didn't want children. I just didn't think I had it in me. My fear is founded in the core belief that parents have unprecedented responsibility and unmatched potential for shaping their children's lives. My fear was (and is) that I won't be able to step up to the plate. I'm thankful for the parenting seminar because it helped me focus on what I can do with the Lord's help to be the best mom I can be for Jackson.

Last night, the Perkins made a statement that I think really sums up the ultimate responsibility I have as a mother. They said it's the parents' job to find the cracks in a child's heart and fill those cracks with love and Truth (God's truth). Wow! I certainly won't accomplish that by my own limited strength and ability. The only way I'll ever be a good mom is to walk the parenting path by God's grace. Lord, please help me.