Bovine Bliss

After Jackson was born, I joked about making the transition from big-as-a-barn to dairy farm. Sometimes I feel like a dairy cow.

Breastfeeding has been a labor of love for me.  It was very painful for me in the beginning. I remember dreading an upcoming feeding because I anticipated how badly it would hurt. And at the start of a feeding, I would literally grit my teeth and try not to cry. Sometimes I couldn't hold back the tears. But I've made it work because it's the best thing for Jackson, especially since he struggles with reflux and eczema. 

It's only by sheer determination that I'm still breastfeeding Jackson after four months. All those things people told me--how it's such a great bonding experience, it's the natural thing to do, it's convenient, it's cheap, etc. The only thing that proved true for me is that it's cheap. Breastfeeding is not convenient for me. It definitely didn't come naturally, and I think I would have bonded just as well with Jackson if I fed him formula by bottle. I just don't enjoy lactating. (Please don't report me to the La Leche League nazis.) Nevertheless, I'm glad I've managed to continue breastfeeding since returning to work. But I have to tell you, it's not easy. I can definitely understand why the majority of moms choose formula. (I totally support their choice, too.)

First of all, pumping is a pain in the butt neck. Carting around the pump bag, having to clean all the parts and attachments.... it's a chore. Even more frustrating, there is no convenient place for me to pump when I'm at work. You're never suppose to pump in a public restroom because they are germ-ridden. (Can you imagine eating in a public restroom? You get the picture.) There are no private rooms I can use to pump at work, except the storage closet. So I pump in the storage closet. There is a problem though... The closet door has a window. At first, I used a file folder to cover the window, but an insensitive co-worker made a scene one day, and told me to "find something more pretty" to cover the window. My response? Okay.You want somethin' pretty? Here ya go!

As much work as it is, I know I need to do this for Jackson. I just remind myself that this is only temporary. So, I smile as I sit on a stool in the storage room, pumping behind the cow curtain...  One of these days, I'll look back on my dairy cow days and recall the bovine bliss. Moo!