You've heard of Fat Tuesday... Well, for me today is Sad Tuesday.
Jackson turned 5 months old yesterday. He is such a joy. It's hard to believe Jackson has been a part of our lives - well, the biggest part of my life - for 5 months now. In reality, the past year has really been all about jackson... growing him inside me, birthing him, feeding him, raising him. That process has been joy-filled, life altering and life consuming. He is a blessing! So why am I sad today?
As I was feeding Jackson at 6:30 this morning, I looked down and realized how BIG he is compared to when he was first born. I thought of my friend Karen, who I knew was in the process of giving birth to her baby girl this morning. I thought of how tiny Jackson was when he was born, and how BIG he is now compared to those first precious days... That's when a wave of emotion rolled over me. In that moment I was reminded of how much my family is missing. Over the past 5 months, Jackson has grown and developed in leaps and bounds... and my family hasn't seen him since he was 7 weeks old. The most important people in my life are missing out on the most important part of my life. They're missing out on Jackson.
That's why I'm sad. Do I want to live in Elkhart, Indiana? Not necessarily. I know Nampa is where God wants us right now. But I never pictured myself having a baby and not being able to share that experience with my parents, my siblings, my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I grew up surrounded by family. I know that's rare, but that was my reality. And while I understand it's not probable that we will ever live geographically close to family, it sure would be nice to have the option to travel and see them. In our current situation, travel is so expensive out of Boise that we're not able to travel to be with family. At least when we lived in Kansas City, we could drive over for an occasional weekend.
The reality of our world today is that people travel the world, global economies grow more interdependent, technology renders interpersonal contact unnecessary while facilitating commerce over virtual highways. In business, we call this globalization "progress". But somehow this "progress" doesn't quite bridge the gap when it comes to family. Family shouldn't have to watch family grow up on Skype and Facebook.
i'm with you there...all of it. i hate it...somehow it doesn't ever seem to get easier as they grow up either, which i had thought it might, cause they are doing so many new things.
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