Still Me

I had an "ah-ha" moment this morning. I've written in the past about the identity crisis I've struggled with since Snuggles was born. Before Snuggles was born, I didn't see myself as a mom, and in many ways I've struggled to adjust to motherhood.  I absolutely adore Snuggles.  Every day with him is a blessing.  But I would be dishonest if I said being a mom has been all roses and rainbows.  It's still a struggle sometimes for my head to catch up with my heart, and sometimes I feel like a failure.

Our church recently started a MOPS Group (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers).  Unfortunately, most MOPS groups meet on weekdays, which alienates working moms like myself.  Just because I work during the day doesn't mean I don't need the support of fellow moms!  Thankfully, our MOPS organizers surveyed participants to see if evening or daytime options work best, and there will be some evening and weekend activities that I can join.  I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to develop relationships with other moms.

So what caused the ah-ha moment?  This week I received a reminder about the MOPS Wednesday night meeting, reminding all the moms to bring their make-up bags to the meeting....  That's when I had the ah-ha moment.

I don't wear make-up.  In the past, I wore a small amount of eye make-up, but the combination of my allergies and wearing contact lenses makes it difficult for me to wear eye make-up.  So, over the years, I just sort of stopped wearing it.  On top of that, I'm a pretty no-nonsense girl when it comes to beauty.  I take care of my skin, I keep my hair styled and my nails manicured, and I wear the clothes that match and happen to be clean... but that's pretty much the extent of thought I put into fashion/beauty.  So I laughed out loud when I received the MOPS Group reminder to bring my make-up bag to the meeting...

I've always felt a little out of place as a woman... like I have more "male" personality traits than what is generally attributed to women.  Lots of women like to shop.  I'd rather have a pap smear than go shopping.  Lots of women enjoy getting dressed up and wearing jewelry.  I wear my wedding rings with my jeans and t-shirt.  Lots of women like to cook or bake.  I cook only because I can't afford to eat out all the time.  Lots of women feel accomplished by taking care of their family and their home.  I feel accomplished by analyzing/solving an organizational challenge.  Psychologists tell us that women have an inherent need to feel cherished and protected.  For me, it's much more important to be respected and consulted.  While many women want chocolate and roses for Valentine's Day, I'd rather have an upgraded camera lens or a new thumb drive.  So that's why I laughed when I received the MOPS Group reminder to bring my make-up bag to the meeting.

I think it's awesome that our church has a MOPS Group!  Despite the fact that I sometimes feel uncomfortable at women's events, I do sense a connection with my fellow moms.  I share many of their struggles.  But I still laughed when I received the MOPS Group reminder to bring my make-up bag to the meeting.

My ah-ha moment: Becoming Snuggles' mom has changed me in many ways, but in many ways, I'm still me!  I will probably always fit in better at a Superbowl Party than I will at a Women's Retreat.  And you know what?  I'm okay with that.