I recently blogged about the ongoing identity crisis I've struggled with since becoming a mom. Misery loves company (or so I've heard), so I decided to search the blogosphere for moms who share my experience. I didn't have to search long. I discovered blog after blog written by moms in the same boat: tossing about in the sea of strollers and diapers, riding the waves of postpartum depression, and doing their best to stay afloat in the sea of uncertainty that is the working mom juggle.
Apparently this new-to-motherhood identity crisis is common. Whew, what a relief! I guess I feel a little comforted by the fact that I'm not the only new-mom-nut-case out there. It's okay for me to be a little coo-coo-for-cocoa-puffs because lots of new moms are. On the other hand, it's a little scary. (Lock your doors, folks. We're everywhere.) *smile*
As the captain of the S.M.S. Mommy, I've done my best to keep things ship-shape, despite facing the seemingly insurmountable icebergs of sleep deprivation, illness and the guilt that comes from being a working mom. I've done my best to be a good, focused employee when I'm at work and a loving, patient mother when I'm home with Jackson.
So that's why it's frustrating to encounter an unexpected threat looming on the horizon: other people's expectations. I discovered last week that unfortunately not everyone appreciates my exhaustive efforts at juggling everything. Apparently my best efforts haven't been good enough.
As I read on the blogosphere, I discovered many new moms who face the same challenges I do. Numerous mom blogs lament about the impossible mission--pleasing everyone. Somebody always wants more.
I have always struggled to accept my limitations. I hate limitations. I wish I could just go non-stop, do everything that is expected of me, and do it all 100-percent. But motherhood has introduced me to new limitations. That frustrates me, but it's my new reality. I thought my own expectations were impossible to meet, but now I'm faced with even more pressure to perform.
While I've done my best to steer the ship S.M.S. Mommy through uncharted territory, an unknown threat lurked beneath the waters. As I struggled to stay afloat these past seven months, I hoped for understanding. But apparently hope doesn't float.
Some days I feel like a failure, but I really do try to focus on the positive, and cut myself some slack for having made it this far with the ship still afloat. The challenges of motherhood are too numerous to categorize.... just the breastfeeding alone has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Motherhood has been a labor of love that I've managed to continue through pure determination, will power and good ole' fashioned grit. There is always room for growth, but for the most part I think I've done a darn good job of steering the ship these past seven months.
Life is full of naysayers. Some threats are visible. Others are hidden, lurking below the murky water. One thing is for sure, I can't control the naysayers. But I can control how I respond to them, and I refuse to allow their perception to become my reality.
your last line summed it up for me...know one knows the challenges of being a working mom and trying to pull off home at the same time til they've done it, let alone be a pastor's wife in the midst. everyone will ALWAYS have expectations, there are very few that carry any weight for me, and even then, if my family is happy, loved, valued and i'm giving them all i have and am right with the Lord, i'm set.....took me a LONG time to realize that, but there is freedom in being ok with who you are and the way your family is run, let all the other stuff go and let them be frustrated with it :) hang in there! know its a tough journey!
ReplyDeleteFirst things first....I know you are a Pool woman by heritage (Wolf by birth and Miller by marriage) and thus believe you ARE and MUST be Superwoman.....but you're NOT!
ReplyDeleteALWAYS remember that there are ONLY 24 hours in every day, AND a certain percentage are SUPPOSED to be for NOURISHMENT and REST. After that, if you work full-time you have 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for work. Then you have what is left. Unfortunately, it OFTEN seems like less than you would like to have.
Give yourself permission to be human! Last time I checked, God still had not granted you the ability to walk on water or calm the raging sea. You can ONLY do what you can do....no more than that.....no matter how what someone else thinks you should do!
My best advice on that is set priorities (trust God to show you which ones they are) and do first things first. If things lower on the list can't get done today, they CAN wait until tomorrow. It was very freeing when someone at my job reminded me that I am no longer a nurse, and no one will die if I can't get to something today.
As you make time for everyone else's needs.....be sure you carve out some time for yourself....and DO NOT feel guilty about it. If you don't take time for yourself, you won't have anything left to give anyone else anyway. So make time (and I do mean more than once or twice per week) to take your bubble bath, read a good book, go for a walk, listen to music, blog or do whatever else brings you pleasure and restores your body, mind and spirit.
All of you (Jon, Jackson and yourself) are healthy...that shows you are doing the right things at home. And your job is JUST a job...a way to make money for your home,so if you are giving them 40 hours of focused work per week.....you have done what you need to. Don't let anything else concern you!
Love, Cynthia