Flying Not-So-Friendly Skies

On Friday I will embark on a scary journey... I'm leaving on a plane bound for Indiana with Jackson. By myself.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to being with my family. But I'm also facing the trip with fear and trepidation.

Before Jackson was born, I was one of those people who despised babies on planes. I'm still not crazy about the idea, but since we live 1,600 miles from family, flying is really the only option.

When I traveled in the past, I would scan the passengers before boarding the plane, and hope that none of them were babies or small children. When a parent boarded the plane with a baby, I audibly groaned. *Ugghhh*  And then I started praying that they weren't seated near me....

Let's face it. Babies and planes often don't mix. Many babies cry under the best of circumstances, let alone when they're in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable environment like an airplane. If I had to guess what hell would be like, I would guess it's something similar to being stuck 30,000 feet in the air, jammed into a large metal tube with a baby screaming bloody murder. There's no place to go. You're captive, unable  to escape the constant barrage of ear-splitting screams.

Several years ago I got stuck on a plane next to a grandmother who was traveling with 3 small children. Of all the seats on the plane, they had to sit next to me. When I bought my ticket, I specifically selected an aisle seat because they're more comfortable. As we approached the take-off, I started getting excited because the seats around me were empty. Then, just as we were about to taxi away from the gate, they boarded. I pretended to read my book, hoping they would pass me by.... 

No such luck. Sure enough, the brood started settling into the seats beside me. The two small boys sat across the aisle from me. Grandma carried a 2-year-old girl who was approximately the size of teenage-Miley-Cryus. "Miley" was way too big to be considered a "lap child".  If Miley met the 2-year-old age limit, I weighed 99 pounds. Miley needed her own seat.

I realized (with horror) that Grandma and Miley would be sitting in the middle seat next to me.

While the flight attendant watched expectantly, I got up from my seat to allow Grandma and Miley to climb into the seat next to me. Grandma turned to me and said the dreaded words...  "Excuse me, Ma'am" (Uh oh! Here it comes...) "Would you mind sitting in the middle so I can have the aisle seat next to my grandchildren?"

And so the internal battle ensued. I wanted to say, "Yes, I do mind! I specifically selected an aisle seat so I wouldn't be jammed between you and Smokey-Smokerson over there!"

But I knew that wasn't the right response. I tried (unsuccessfully) to silence my mother's words sounding in my mind, reminding me to "Be nice". So I sighed and gave in to my feelings of obligation.  "Well..." I responded, "I would rather not sit in the middle...."  I asked the flight attendant if there was another aisle seat. (Of course there wasn't.)  So I very reluctantly relinquished my aisle seat to Grandma and Miley. Along with my coveted seat, I relinquished any hope of of a peaceful flight.

The 3-hour flight from Chicago to Boise was a blur of being kicked by toddler feet, showered in graham cracker crumbs, and serenaded by a chorus of chaos as Grandma leaned over the aisle to fuss over the other 2 children, who obviously had no intention of being quiet or still during the flight. The only redeeming factor was that the flight attendant convinced the kids to turn off the sound on their portable video game player. That flight was an absolute nightmare. I almost asked the airline for my money back.

That Chicago-to-Boise flight was the catalyst behind my brilliant idea to establish adult-only flights. Passengers should be able to choose flights that are only for adults. The airline could even charge extra for adult-only flights, like a convenience fee. Back in the day, I would have gladly paid the extra cost for a peaceful flight.

Some would say it's sweet vengeance that now, I'm that mom, facing a flight with my 7-month-old son. And I'm scared to death of people like me who don't want babies on the plane. I don't blame them! I'm afraid Jackson will fuss, cry, or wiggle and make other passengers miserable. It's a daunting prospect.

I wish passengers had the option to choose adult-only flights. That way I could travel with Jackson knowing that the other "family friendly" passengers would forgive me if he leaves his angel wings in Idaho.