Okay, skip the music. But really, I'm struggling.
It's not easy for me to be open about my weaknesses. I mean, I can (and do) readily admit that I'm flawed. But I really, really hate it that I have limitations. Drives me nuts. I wish I could take on the world by myself without having to ask for help. But it just doesn't work that way. I can't do it all.
So what's eating at me? Time. I. Just. Don't. Have. It.
Between juggling work and church responsibilities and trying to take care of my home (at which I fail miserably most of the time), by 9 o'clock in the evening, I collapse on the couch exhausted. I should probably spend that last hour before bed doing something constructive, like cleaning or sorting through the stacks of papers/magazines piled all over my house. But I don't. I just sit there on the couch. I might watch TV or read a book, but my mind pretty switched to the "off" position the minute my butt hit the chair.
Sometimes I reach for the computer to blog or check Facebook... and then I see Katie McCutie-Pants just posted pictures of the delicious, organic meal she made for dinner. And there's her smiling family, sitting around the table in their beautifully decorated dining room, which she just gave a fresh coat of decorative paint after being inspired by Pinterest. Who has time to cook (much less afford!) an organic meal? And what was that other word? Decorate? What's that? I don't have a single picture hanging up in my house! Darn you, Pinterest, and all your crafty ideas. Pinterest is like a jab on the arm, reminding me that I suck at all things domestic.
Part of the challenge right now is that Snuggles is extremely time-consuming and demanding. The adjustment to the new daycare/preschool has been rough. He's not been taking his usual afternoon naps (or not long enough), which means that when he's home, he spends the evenings whining/fussing/throwing tantrums, and just being all-around disagreeable. Maybe it's the daycare transition. Or maybe it's just because he's two. Maybe a combination of both....
All I know is I'm not handling it very well. (There it is again... Another one of those pesky limitations. Gag.) He throws things. He refuses to eat anything but bread. He drops on the floor and death rolls like a crocodile. He pinches. He scratches. And the screaming. Oh, the screaming....
But the good news is... In between throwing tantrums and screaming at decibels I'm certain can be heard from outer space, Snuggles is incredibly cute.
Someone will probably read this blog and think, "Homegirl has lost her mind. She only has one kid, and he's in daycare all day! Her life is cake!" Let me assure you, my life is not cake. It's not even a cupcake. I'm not comparing my life to others or saying I have it worse. I realize everyone has their struggles. This is mine. I'm in a valley right now, but I will claw my way out somehow.
I don't care who you are or what you do or don't do, being a parent is hard work. Snuggles' age is by far, in my opinion, the most difficult age I've yet to encounter.
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