So, remember the other day when I wrote about feeling like I was hanging off the edge of a cliff...
Welcome to my life.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Cliff
I feel like I fell off a cliff somehow and I'm trying to claw my way back up... But I. can't. quite. reach. the. top. Life just seems overwhelming. (Cue the melodramatic, Little-House-on-the-Prairie-style background music.)
Okay, skip the music. But really, I'm struggling.
It's not easy for me to be open about my weaknesses. I mean, I can (and do) readily admit that I'm flawed. But I really, really hate it that I have limitations. Drives me nuts. I wish I could take on the world by myself without having to ask for help. But it just doesn't work that way. I can't do it all.
So what's eating at me? Time. I. Just. Don't. Have. It.
Between juggling work and church responsibilities and trying to take care of my home (at which I fail miserably most of the time), by 9 o'clock in the evening, I collapse on the couch exhausted. I should probably spend that last hour before bed doing something constructive, like cleaning or sorting through the stacks of papers/magazines piled all over my house. But I don't. I just sit there on the couch. I might watch TV or read a book, but my mind pretty switched to the "off" position the minute my butt hit the chair.
Sometimes I reach for the computer to blog or check Facebook... and then I see Katie McCutie-Pants just posted pictures of the delicious, organic meal she made for dinner. And there's her smiling family, sitting around the table in their beautifully decorated dining room, which she just gave a fresh coat of decorative paint after being inspired by Pinterest. Who has time to cook (much less afford!) an organic meal? And what was that other word? Decorate? What's that? I don't have a single picture hanging up in my house! Darn you, Pinterest, and all your crafty ideas. Pinterest is like a jab on the arm, reminding me that I suck at all things domestic.
Part of the challenge right now is that Snuggles is extremely time-consuming and demanding. The adjustment to the new daycare/preschool has been rough. He's not been taking his usual afternoon naps (or not long enough), which means that when he's home, he spends the evenings whining/fussing/throwing tantrums, and just being all-around disagreeable. Maybe it's the daycare transition. Or maybe it's just because he's two. Maybe a combination of both....
All I know is I'm not handling it very well. (There it is again... Another one of those pesky limitations. Gag.) He throws things. He refuses to eat anything but bread. He drops on the floor and death rolls like a crocodile. He pinches. He scratches. And the screaming. Oh, the screaming....
But the good news is... In between throwing tantrums and screaming at decibels I'm certain can be heard from outer space, Snuggles is incredibly cute.
Don't let the blueberry eyes and pinch-worthy dimples fool you... It's a good thing he's cute. Otherwise, I'm afraid one of us wouldn't survive. *smile*
Someone will probably read this blog and think, "Homegirl has lost her mind. She only has one kid, and he's in daycare all day! Her life is cake!" Let me assure you, my life is not cake. It's not even a cupcake. I'm not comparing my life to others or saying I have it worse. I realize everyone has their struggles. This is mine. I'm in a valley right now, but I will claw my way out somehow.
Okay, skip the music. But really, I'm struggling.
It's not easy for me to be open about my weaknesses. I mean, I can (and do) readily admit that I'm flawed. But I really, really hate it that I have limitations. Drives me nuts. I wish I could take on the world by myself without having to ask for help. But it just doesn't work that way. I can't do it all.
So what's eating at me? Time. I. Just. Don't. Have. It.
Between juggling work and church responsibilities and trying to take care of my home (at which I fail miserably most of the time), by 9 o'clock in the evening, I collapse on the couch exhausted. I should probably spend that last hour before bed doing something constructive, like cleaning or sorting through the stacks of papers/magazines piled all over my house. But I don't. I just sit there on the couch. I might watch TV or read a book, but my mind pretty switched to the "off" position the minute my butt hit the chair.
Sometimes I reach for the computer to blog or check Facebook... and then I see Katie McCutie-Pants just posted pictures of the delicious, organic meal she made for dinner. And there's her smiling family, sitting around the table in their beautifully decorated dining room, which she just gave a fresh coat of decorative paint after being inspired by Pinterest. Who has time to cook (much less afford!) an organic meal? And what was that other word? Decorate? What's that? I don't have a single picture hanging up in my house! Darn you, Pinterest, and all your crafty ideas. Pinterest is like a jab on the arm, reminding me that I suck at all things domestic.
Part of the challenge right now is that Snuggles is extremely time-consuming and demanding. The adjustment to the new daycare/preschool has been rough. He's not been taking his usual afternoon naps (or not long enough), which means that when he's home, he spends the evenings whining/fussing/throwing tantrums, and just being all-around disagreeable. Maybe it's the daycare transition. Or maybe it's just because he's two. Maybe a combination of both....
All I know is I'm not handling it very well. (There it is again... Another one of those pesky limitations. Gag.) He throws things. He refuses to eat anything but bread. He drops on the floor and death rolls like a crocodile. He pinches. He scratches. And the screaming. Oh, the screaming....
But the good news is... In between throwing tantrums and screaming at decibels I'm certain can be heard from outer space, Snuggles is incredibly cute.
Someone will probably read this blog and think, "Homegirl has lost her mind. She only has one kid, and he's in daycare all day! Her life is cake!" Let me assure you, my life is not cake. It's not even a cupcake. I'm not comparing my life to others or saying I have it worse. I realize everyone has their struggles. This is mine. I'm in a valley right now, but I will claw my way out somehow.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Childcare & Chuckles
What happened to January? Seriously! It's like I blinked and suddenly it's no longer January? Good grief.
Despite my lack of blogging in January, it was a busy month for us. Our world was thrown into a bit of a tailspin when Snuggles' childcare provider (who is more like an adopted grandma to Jackson) gave us two weeks' notice due to some personal issues and health concerns. It wasn't a big deal.... *cough* Okay, so I completely broke down and panicked. I'll let you guess which one of those is true. Ahem.
The thing is, it's difficult to get into daycare centers in this area, especially the good ones. Every church-based Christian childcare in the area has a waiting list. It's really insane.
But as He always does, God provided. A friend of ours recommended a great, Christian childcare center near our house. They had a rare opening the week I called, and when they contacted the families ahead of us on the waiting list, none of them needed childcare. It really was a miracle! Looking back on everything, I'm convinced this transition is a good thing for Snuggles. He enjoys playing with his classmates, and I think it's time for him to have the added education and stimulation during the day. Not only that, he absolutely loves the playground! The bad news is that my biggest fears came true: he is not sleeping well at the new place. Please pray that Snuggles resumes his nap schedule because the screaming and whining and tantrums (normal for 2-year-olds) have ramped up from normal to nuclear. I told John this morning that someone is not going to survive this transition.
When he's not whining, crying and throwing fits, Snuggles continues to light up our world with his smiles. And he constantly makes us laugh. Sometimes we laugh because we don't know what else to do!
I've never thought twice about getting out of the shower in front of Jackson. Although it's not something I do often, sometimes I'm in my unmentionables in front of Jackson. In fact, most of the literature I've read says it's best for children to learn about body parts at home. We've just been very nonchalant about it, and he really hasn't shown much interest. Until recently.
On a Sunday morning a few weeks ago, John had left for church, so I was alone with Jackson while trying to get ready for church. I had just gotten out of the shower, and Jackson was playing with some toys on the bathroom floor while I went about my morning routine. I hadn't dressed yet, and I was bending over the counter washing the cleanser off my face when it happened. Suddenly, I felt a small finger poke my nether regions from behind, while loudly exclaiming, "Owwooooga!" (This is the sound we make when we we're playing "honk" Snuggles' belly button.) After peeling myself off the ceiling, I choked back expletives as I reached for a hand towel to wipe the soap out of my eyes. Snuggles, of course, found my reaction hilarious, and he dissolved into a pile of giggles on the bathroom floor. I hid my laughter in the hand towel, as I told him that it wasn't nice to poke mama in the hoo hoo... And then I proceeded to have a brief, age-appropriate conversation about private parts, all the while making a mental note to always wear a protective layer of clothing in Snuggles' presence.
Not long after the bathroom "honking", we had another bathroom incident. It was that time of the month, so I was in the bathroom (clothed this time) gathering the necessary feminine supplies I needed for the day. Snuggles walked in, saw the tampons on the counter, and said, "Oohh! I wanna popsicle!" Oh yeah, I had lots of fun trying to distract him from that "popsicle".
During the same week as the popsicle request, Snuggles barged into the bathroom while I was unwrapping a pantyliner. "Oh boy," I thought, "Here we go". Sure enough, Snuggles was transfixed.
Snuggles: (Pointing to the pantyliner) Bandaid? Mama have an ouchie?!
Me: No, Mama's fine. Where's Daddy? Can you go find Daddy?
Snuggles: (Pointing to the pantyliner) Mama have a sticker?
Me: No, Snuggles, this isn't a sticker.
Snuggles: I wanna stickerrrrrr!"
Now, every time Snuggles walks into the bathroom, he asks for a "sticker". Yep, time to childproof the bathroom door.
Despite my lack of blogging in January, it was a busy month for us. Our world was thrown into a bit of a tailspin when Snuggles' childcare provider (who is more like an adopted grandma to Jackson) gave us two weeks' notice due to some personal issues and health concerns. It wasn't a big deal.... *cough* Okay, so I completely broke down and panicked. I'll let you guess which one of those is true. Ahem.
The thing is, it's difficult to get into daycare centers in this area, especially the good ones. Every church-based Christian childcare in the area has a waiting list. It's really insane.
But as He always does, God provided. A friend of ours recommended a great, Christian childcare center near our house. They had a rare opening the week I called, and when they contacted the families ahead of us on the waiting list, none of them needed childcare. It really was a miracle! Looking back on everything, I'm convinced this transition is a good thing for Snuggles. He enjoys playing with his classmates, and I think it's time for him to have the added education and stimulation during the day. Not only that, he absolutely loves the playground! The bad news is that my biggest fears came true: he is not sleeping well at the new place. Please pray that Snuggles resumes his nap schedule because the screaming and whining and tantrums (normal for 2-year-olds) have ramped up from normal to nuclear. I told John this morning that someone is not going to survive this transition.
When he's not whining, crying and throwing fits, Snuggles continues to light up our world with his smiles. And he constantly makes us laugh. Sometimes we laugh because we don't know what else to do!
I've never thought twice about getting out of the shower in front of Jackson. Although it's not something I do often, sometimes I'm in my unmentionables in front of Jackson. In fact, most of the literature I've read says it's best for children to learn about body parts at home. We've just been very nonchalant about it, and he really hasn't shown much interest. Until recently.
On a Sunday morning a few weeks ago, John had left for church, so I was alone with Jackson while trying to get ready for church. I had just gotten out of the shower, and Jackson was playing with some toys on the bathroom floor while I went about my morning routine. I hadn't dressed yet, and I was bending over the counter washing the cleanser off my face when it happened. Suddenly, I felt a small finger poke my nether regions from behind, while loudly exclaiming, "Owwooooga!" (This is the sound we make when we we're playing "honk" Snuggles' belly button.) After peeling myself off the ceiling, I choked back expletives as I reached for a hand towel to wipe the soap out of my eyes. Snuggles, of course, found my reaction hilarious, and he dissolved into a pile of giggles on the bathroom floor. I hid my laughter in the hand towel, as I told him that it wasn't nice to poke mama in the hoo hoo... And then I proceeded to have a brief, age-appropriate conversation about private parts, all the while making a mental note to always wear a protective layer of clothing in Snuggles' presence.
Not long after the bathroom "honking", we had another bathroom incident. It was that time of the month, so I was in the bathroom (clothed this time) gathering the necessary feminine supplies I needed for the day. Snuggles walked in, saw the tampons on the counter, and said, "Oohh! I wanna popsicle!" Oh yeah, I had lots of fun trying to distract him from that "popsicle".
During the same week as the popsicle request, Snuggles barged into the bathroom while I was unwrapping a pantyliner. "Oh boy," I thought, "Here we go". Sure enough, Snuggles was transfixed.
Snuggles: (Pointing to the pantyliner) Bandaid? Mama have an ouchie?!
Me: No, Mama's fine. Where's Daddy? Can you go find Daddy?
Snuggles: (Pointing to the pantyliner) Mama have a sticker?
Me: No, Snuggles, this isn't a sticker.
Snuggles: I wanna stickerrrrrr!"
Now, every time Snuggles walks into the bathroom, he asks for a "sticker". Yep, time to childproof the bathroom door.
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