"Aaaa choo!"

When I was feeding Jackson at 4 a.m. this morning this happened to me.

Professional Juggler

One of my Facebook friends posted this as her status today:

"____ is a cook, a housekeeper, a parent, a teacher, a referee, a nanny, a nurse, a handy man, a maid, security, and a comforter and a primary care giver. I don't get holiday, sick pay, or a day off, I work through the day and some of the night, I am under paid and over worked. Now tell me that YOUR job is harder than mine.... ""

I wanted to comment: The only thing harder than your job is mine. I have to be all the things you mentioned PLUS hold down a full-time job. Even more challenging is the fact that I'm suppose to do all those things well.

Sometimes I feel like a juggler with two many balls in the air.... just waiting for one of them to drop and hit me square in the face. Yeah, that's what I am: a professional juggler. I think I'll call the circus to see if they're hiring.

Shades

Check me out. I'm a big boy sitting in my chair.

 My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Please, ladies. There's enough of me to go around.

I make bubbles look gooood.

I really love my daddy. 

 

 Here's my Michael Jordan imitation.

And now for my money-maker...

Life

As I looked through photos shortly after Jackson's birth, I found this photo. It was taken the day he was born.

I immediately recognized Jackson's profile because I had seen it before....

here, when I was 20 weeks pregnant.

How can anyone look at these two photos and deny the presence of LIFE before birth? 

That's why it's so hard for me to accept some of the things that are going on in Washington D.C. right now. Jackson had a face--a recognizable face--before he was born. Now Jackson's soul shines from his beautiful face with smiles and laughs and squeals. 

I wonder how many giggles were silenced by abortion today? God help us.

Before I Was a Mom

I received an e-mail today with cute sayings about motherhood. I felt inspired to write my own version. 

Before I was a mom...
I never got peed on.
Pooped on.
Puked on.
Bitten.

Before I was a mom...
I slept all night.
Ate spicy food.
Drank “leaded” coffee.

Before I was a mom...
I looked forward to work.
Slept late on Saturdays.
Only did laundry once a week.

Before I was a mom...
I never had to choke back tears
when my husband held a baby.
I never tried so hard to make someone smile
or found absolute joy in a baby’s laugh.

Before I was a mom...
I never saw 4 a.m.
Always showered daily.
Always wore clean socks.

Before I was a mom...
I never wiped away tears with my own hands.
Never wanted to endure pain myself
just to take away the hurt.

Before I was a mom...
I never tripped on bouncer seats
or sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.
I didn’t worry about dog fur on the floor
or if the house was too cold.

Before I was a mom...
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn’t want to put him down.
I never pressed my face against a fuzzy head
and felt my heart skip a beat.

Before I was a mom....
I never knew that something so small
could bring about such big change.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much love…
before I was a mom.

Interesting Weekend

We had an interesting weekend. Jackson wasn't feeling well. He started acting fussy on Saturday evening. It seemed like his tummy was hurting. I tried everything: Mylicon, Gripe Water, Tylenol, Motrin, warm bath, massage, singing to him, the swing (his favorite)... Nothing worked. By Sunday afternoon, I figured out that the only thing that seemed to help Jackson calm down was nursing him. We went to a birthday party last night, and I spent most of the party holed up in a room, nursing Jackson and trying to keep him quiet. So it feels like I've been breastfeeding non-stop for 2 days... Remember that blog I posted about the joys of breastfeeding?  *Moo!*

While reading the news today, I stumbled upon some interesting statistics published by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). According to the CDC, 74% of American women are breastfeeding their infants when they leave the hospital or birthing center. Apparently many women share my experience because the rate drops to 31% of women who exclusively breastfeed through the first three months. And it's only 11% through six months.

There ya go. Statistical evidence of why I'm so crabby these days.

Husbands, hug your baby mamas. They need it.

Saturday Fun

Today I went for a spa pedicure with my friends Albre and Joye. We enjoyed some much-needed pampering after a week of work, motherhood and marital bliss.

 
While I was out getting pampered, John was home with Jackson. This is what they did while I was gone.

It's Like He Knows!

When I arrived at Albre's house to feed Jackson on my lunch hour, Albre told me he had pooped twice by noon. I joked that I told Jackson to poop while he was at Albre's house so I wouldn't have to change the yucky diapers. This afternoon, Albre sent me this picture.  Caption: 3 poops today!

Jackson thinks it's hilarious when he poops. He laughs and smiles while getting his diaper changed. Albre and I agree, it's like he knows!

Albre also sent me this picture today.

The little stinker found his thumb! I can just see him thinking, "Cool, there's a nipple on my hand!"

By the way, Jackson pooped two more times today, and one of them was on my shift. So much for listening to mama!

Praying for Lori

In yesterday's blog, I expressed frustration about Jackson's eczema and plugged tear ducts. Almost in the same breath, I remembered that many people deal with much worse, and that my complaint was pretty pathetic. Today I realized just how pathetic it was.

I reconnected with my high school friend, Lori, on Facebook. In an effort to discover what Lori has been up to since high school, I visited her blog. I didn't expect what I found... 

Lori's 9-year-old daughter went to be with Jesus in October. Lori's blog shares her family's experience with a special needs child. As I read Lori's words describing her grief since Megan's death, I felt an overwhelming urge to leave work, race to Albre's house, and hold Jackson as close as possible.

Yesterday I complained about a rash on Jackson's skin. Reading Lori's blog today put things in perspective. She is a testimony of faith in God and grace in the midst of grief. Please pray for my friend, Lori.

Jackson's 4-month Checkup

Jackson went to see the pediatrician today for his 4-month checkup. He got his immunizations (2 big shots!), which definitely was not his favorite part of the appointment.

Here are Jackson's stats:

Weight: 14 pounds, 9 ounces (40th percentile)
Height: 26 inches (83rd percentile)
Head: 16 1/2 inches (38th percentile)

The most impressive statistic is that Jackson grew 3 inches taller in the past 2 months! I bet his daddy secretly hopes he will be a basketball player. 

Dr. Marvasti commented on how happy Jackson is. He just smiled and "talked" to her. She put him on his tummy, and he started scooting backwards, a sign that he is strong and developing well. Here's a picture of his cute chubby thighs. (They happen to be very ticklish.)

We discussed several concerns with the doctor. My main concern is Jackson's skin. He has eczema, which is allergic, over-sensitive skin. The eczema is pretty much all over his body (in varying degrees) with the exception of his diaper area. The eczema is also on his head, which some people call "cradle cap". But in Jackson's case it's a little different from cradle cap. We're doing everything we can to treat the eczema.  But Dr. Marvasti said that since eczema is genetic, we're probably going to battle it throughout Jackson's childhood. When he gets a little older, he will need to be tested for food allergies, which is common in kids with eczema.

Jackson also has plugged tear ducts. It's a fairly common condition that makes the eyes run constantly. Plugged tear ducts usually resolve in time. John had to have surgery on his plugged tear ducts when he was young, so Dr. Marvasti said it's possible Jackson's may need the surgery too. They will keep an eye on it, and after he is one year old, they will determine if surgery is needed.

I have to admit, it's really frustrating to be told that my beautiful baby will likely continue to be covered in a red, scaly rash and have eyes that constantly run and goop up. I was thinking about that on the way back to work from the doctor's office. But then I remembered some people can't even have babies. They would probably give anything for a rashy baby...  Even worse, some parents lose their babies to illness or tragedy. So I'm thankful for my sweet, smiley baby boy.

For the most part, he is healthy and happy. I am blessed!

Baby Monitor or Kitty Monitor?

We are cat sitting for Miss Kitty, who belongs to my friend, Karen. Karen is suffering for Jesus in Europe. This is the first time we've taken care of Miss Kitty since Jackson was born. It's been interesting.

Miss Kitty is a lover. She wants to be with on us 24/7. But that's impossible with a baby. As with many cats, Miss Kitty is nosy. She gets into everything. We don't want her in our bedroom or the nursery, so we keep the doors closed. When we're sleeping or not home, we put Miss Kitty in the guest room and close the door. She can't get into much trouble in that room. More importantly, it keeps her from sharpening her claws on our leather furniture! Unfortunately, Miss Kitty doesn't like closed doors. And she certainly doesn't like being locked up behind a closed door.

When Miss Kitty arrived Thursday evening, we introduced her to Jackson. She sniffed him, and then curled up and went to sleep. That quickly ended our anxiety. Clearly having Miss Kitty around Jackson wasn't going to be a problem.

As we prepared for bed, we closed Miss Kitty up in the guest room with her food and litter box.  We put Jack to bed, turned on the baby monitor, and left his nursery door open so we could hear him. Not long after we turned the lights out, I thought I heard Jackson crying. I looked over at the baby monitor. Sure enough, the lights where blinking, which indicates the baby is making noise. I turned on the monitor's video screen, and there was Jackson, sound asleep in his crib. I looked back at the indicator lights... lit up like a Christmas tree.  Whaaat???  That's when I realized Miss Kitty was howling so loud in the guest room that the baby monitor picked up the sound in the nursery!

All night long, I woke to the sound of Jackson crying. I repeated the routine: Look at the baby monitor. Lights blaring. Turn on video screen. Jackson sound asleep. Dumb cat!

Finally, Jackson woke up to eat. As I sat in the living room nursing him, Miss Kitty started in with a pitiful protest. Meoooow!  Obviously she heard me moving around, and that really set her off.  Meoooow!  Not a pleasant sound at 5 a.m.

John says my affection for Taco has dwindled since Jackson was born. It's not that I don't love Taco. I do. It's just that it takes every ounce of my energy to care for Jackson. Taco is just one more being who depends on me for everything. But Taco is such a great dog, she has been patient and sweet despite playing second fiddle. Miss Kitty, on the other hand, is very vocal about her dislike for playing third fiddle. The neighbors probably think we're torturing the poor cat.

Bovine Bliss

After Jackson was born, I joked about making the transition from big-as-a-barn to dairy farm. Sometimes I feel like a dairy cow.

Breastfeeding has been a labor of love for me.  It was very painful for me in the beginning. I remember dreading an upcoming feeding because I anticipated how badly it would hurt. And at the start of a feeding, I would literally grit my teeth and try not to cry. Sometimes I couldn't hold back the tears. But I've made it work because it's the best thing for Jackson, especially since he struggles with reflux and eczema. 

It's only by sheer determination that I'm still breastfeeding Jackson after four months. All those things people told me--how it's such a great bonding experience, it's the natural thing to do, it's convenient, it's cheap, etc. The only thing that proved true for me is that it's cheap. Breastfeeding is not convenient for me. It definitely didn't come naturally, and I think I would have bonded just as well with Jackson if I fed him formula by bottle. I just don't enjoy lactating. (Please don't report me to the La Leche League nazis.) Nevertheless, I'm glad I've managed to continue breastfeeding since returning to work. But I have to tell you, it's not easy. I can definitely understand why the majority of moms choose formula. (I totally support their choice, too.)

First of all, pumping is a pain in the butt neck. Carting around the pump bag, having to clean all the parts and attachments.... it's a chore. Even more frustrating, there is no convenient place for me to pump when I'm at work. You're never suppose to pump in a public restroom because they are germ-ridden. (Can you imagine eating in a public restroom? You get the picture.) There are no private rooms I can use to pump at work, except the storage closet. So I pump in the storage closet. There is a problem though... The closet door has a window. At first, I used a file folder to cover the window, but an insensitive co-worker made a scene one day, and told me to "find something more pretty" to cover the window. My response? Okay.You want somethin' pretty? Here ya go!

As much work as it is, I know I need to do this for Jackson. I just remind myself that this is only temporary. So, I smile as I sit on a stool in the storage room, pumping behind the cow curtain...  One of these days, I'll look back on my dairy cow days and recall the bovine bliss. Moo!

The News According to Jackson

Here's a little video I shot of Jackson recounting the events of the day. It's the news according to Jackson. The part where he farts, that's tonight's featured story. 



And now for some photos... I noticed lately that Jackson has started touching fabrics and concentrating while studying them with his eyes. He really seems to be enjoying the different textures. I remembered we had received a soft, cuddly blanket bear from our friend, Deidre. So I got out the blanket bear last week, and Jackson loves it!

 Napping with blanket bear

Here's a profile pic with Daddy. Is there any question who this kid looks like?!!

And last but not least... This is Jackson's new favorite thing: Talking to himself (and me) in the mirror! I don't think he recognizes himself yet, but it's so cute!

Parenting Seminar

Last night we attended a parenting seminar based on the Hal Perkins book, "If Jesus Were a Parent". I have questions that will probably be answered when I read the book, but I have to tell you, some of the concepts struck me as profound. I fell asleep thinking about it last night, and woke up thinking about it this morning.

The premise of Hal Perkins' philosophy is that parenting is a lifelong process of training your children to be disciples of Jesus, just as Jesus discipled his followers. One of the take-aways from the seminar that really struck me was the importance of spending quality, one-on-one time with your children.... individual time, separate from the other children in the family. This one-on-one time is important because it communicates to the child that (s)he is valued and important. It's a time for relationship building. 

When they discussed the importance of spending regular one-on-one time with your children, I had an "ah ha" moment. I can count on one hand the times I spent with my parents apart from my siblings. I have wonderful, Christ-like parents. So many kids grow up in broken homes. Ours was a stable, loving home. I am blessed! I say that to be clear that I'm not bashing my parents. However, I know my parents don't claim to be perfect, and they understand that the nature of growth is acknowledging what we can do better. As an adult, I know that I was (and still am) important to my parents. But I didn't always feel that way when I was a growing up. The younger kids demanded more attention (understandably), and many times I felt like I was last in line. I often felt like I was unimportant, just one of the four. (Again, I know that wasn't true, but that's how I felt.) So I decided last night that no matter what life brings (work, church, etc.) I will make an intentional effort to spend one-on-one time with Jackson. Time that is only for him. Time Jackson will remember so he can reflect on his childhood and know with certainty that aside from being Christ followers, nothing else was more important to John and me than Jackson.

Another take-away was the importance of learning to listen to your children. Just as Jesus did with his disciples, parents should learn to ask their children questions (again with the goal of developing a relationship) that allow children to share their thoughts and feelings. That's powerful. Practicing the skill of listening (without interjecting my opinion) will be a challenge for me. But I'm determined to embrace that practice because it's important for Jackson to know his thoughts and feelings are valued and valid!

So why did the seminar impact me so profoundly? Probably because it appealed to my deep feelings of inadequacy. I've always feared that I wouldn't be a good mother. That's one of the main reasons I use to say I didn't want children. I just didn't think I had it in me. My fear is founded in the core belief that parents have unprecedented responsibility and unmatched potential for shaping their children's lives. My fear was (and is) that I won't be able to step up to the plate. I'm thankful for the parenting seminar because it helped me focus on what I can do with the Lord's help to be the best mom I can be for Jackson.

Last night, the Perkins made a statement that I think really sums up the ultimate responsibility I have as a mother. They said it's the parents' job to find the cracks in a child's heart and fill those cracks with love and Truth (God's truth). Wow! I certainly won't accomplish that by my own limited strength and ability. The only way I'll ever be a good mom is to walk the parenting path by God's grace. Lord, please help me.

I moved!

I decided to switch from Xanga back to Blogger. I made the mistake of switching from Blogger to Xanga in 2007. Lately I've grown frustrated with Xanga's limitations. And I got really irritated when I opened my Xanga blog to see a half-naked woman in the sidebar advertisement! So I'm switching back to Blogger.

Unfortunately, Xanga's clunky platform prevents me from importing my Xanga blog posts into this Blogger blog. But the good news is you can still see my old Xanga blog. Just click on the link in the lower-right corner of this page, and you will be taken to my old Xanga posts. I'm hoping to figure out a way to transfer over my Xanga blog, but this is my only solution for now.

Make sure you subscribe to this new blog by clicking on the "Subscribe to Posts" link in the right column. Enjoy!