Missing Maynard

Doug's death brought another wave of grief for us over the loss of John's dad, Maynard. I know he is in heaven, and that knowledge brings comfort when the rains clouds of sadness hover. I'm so glad Maynard is with Jesus. At the same time, we miss him here on earth! Most of all, I'm sad that Maynard never met Jackson. I know that makes John very sad, too. I wish Maynard could hold Jackson's cuddly little body and hear his giggle echo through the house. I wish we could sit together at the dinner table and listen to Jackson jabber away, "telling" us all about his day. I wish Maynard could kiss Jackson's sweet little hands. It makes me so sad that Jackson never got to know his Grandpa Maynard. What a wonderful, generous man of God.

John has gone through valleys since his Dad's death in Feb. 2008. Grief is tough to deal with. You're doing fine one minute, and then the next minute you're overcome with another wave of grief. Simple things trigger it... a smell, a song, a favorite scripture. Doug's death caused another wave of grief to surge over us, especially John. My advice to him was to ride the wave. Allow it to wash over you, and then trust in God as the fresh grief subsides. This is all part of the grieving process.

John visited his Dad's crypt while he was in Hendersonville. He spent some time there, sitting in the mausoleum. He hung recent photos of Jackson on the marble face, next to Maynard's name. It creeps me out a little that Louise's name is already there, waiting... 

I've always wondered if people in heaven can look down on earth? I don't know what makes me feel this way, but I think they can. I'm sure the theologians could write volumes to debate the matter, and I don't really care. The fact is no one really knows. For me, it just makes sense. Maynard served the Lord all his life. It would make him happy to "see" his family, and somehow I think God would happily oblige that small wish. It makes me smile when I think of Maynard taking a break from fixing up his mansion, setting down the duct tape to check in on us every once-in-awhile.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Sometimes life deals a blow that is almost unbearable. That happened to us yesterday. John was at a "Fireflight" concert about 20 minutes from our house when he got a message on his phone that his best friend in Nashville, Doug Mund, died suddenly on Wednesday night.

Apparently Doug attempted to drive himself to the hospital because he wasn't feeling well. He made it to the hospital parking lot where he lost consciousness and crashed into another vehicle. A hospital security guard saw it happen, and he immediately came to Doug's aid, starting CPR. The entire hospital "code" team worked on Doug, but he died of a massive heart attack. He was 42 years old.

John and Doug have been best friends since they were babies. They met when their dads were on staff together at a church in Tennessee. Doug and John were inseparable as children and teenagers. They spent weekends together at the Mund's house or at the Miller's house. Doug was the best man in our wedding. Although Doug and John have lived geographically separated, they have remained close despite the fact that they weren't in constant contact.

When John's dad died, Doug was our saving grace. He was a real estate broker at First Nashville Realty and Management. He took care of selling Maynard and Louise's house, including emptying out the house, selling the house, and all the legalities. He was such a blessing to us because we could have never taken care of it from this distance without Doug's help and expertise.

In October 2008, Doug flew out to Idaho and spent about a week with us. John and Doug took several trips into the mountains, enjoying 4-wheeling and soaking in the hot springs. I am so thankful we had that time with Doug. Who would have guessed he would be gone a year and a half later.

This is absolutely unbelievable. We can't believe he is gone. Doug seemed to the be the picture of health. His family said he wasn't having any symptoms at all until the day he died. Tuesday he was out and about with his friend in Nashville. Wednesday he was gone.

John is so sad. He alternates between shock, disbelief, and devastation. He can't believe his friend is gone. He has lost the two most important men in his life within two years. First his Dad in Feb. 2008 and now Doug.

These experiences of loss have certainly altered my perspective. I use to be so focused on career, on achievement, on reaching for the next goal. Between John's emergency heart surgery in 2008, then losing Maynard suddenly one month later... and now Doug's sudden death.... All those things have changed the way I see life. What matters most is family. Friends. Being who God wants me to be NOW, and trying not to sweat the small stuff.

Remember, tomorrow is not guaranteed. Neither is today. Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your family and friends. Take every opportunity to love them, hold them... tell them (in words) how much they mean to you. We never know for whom the bell tolls.

Highchair Happenings

"Check me out. I'm a big boy!"

Jackson started practicing sitting in the highchair. Can you believe it?!  This photo was taken at Albre's house today. The chair belongs to her little girl, Lyla, so it's not the most manly chair in the world. But Jack doesn't care about the chair! He's just happy to be sitting up high like a big boy.

I can't believe how fast this little booger is growing! We think he is in the middle of a growth spurt because he is eating more during the day (by bottle) than I can keep up with by pumping. In fact, While he was sick and had to bottle-feed, Jackson went through all my surplus supply of breast milk in the freezer.  So last night we reluctantly bought some formula to have on hand as a back-up. Thankfully, we haven't had to supplement yet. But I'm guessing we may have to supplement before he starts rice cereal in two weeks. As my mom reminded me, it's not the end of the world.

Since Jackson has allergies and stomach issues, my mom recommended we get a special kind of formula, called "Alimentum". Can I just say that this stuff is unbelievably EXPENSIVE!

If the government wants to regulate things, why don't they start with putting a cap on formula costs?! One can of Alimentum formula costs $27. That can will make 19 of Jack's 6-ounce bottles. I did some calculating, and figured out that if I fed Jackson formula full-time, it would cost about $250 per month! And that's on his current feeding schedule. As he intake increases, it would cost even more! 

As much as I've lamented about breastfeeding, I'm so thankful I've been able to do it. My cow capers have saved us a lot of money. If Jackson drank formula since his birth, we would have spent over $1,250 on formula in the past 5 months. HOLY COW!  (Literally.)  With that said, I'm glad Jackson will start solids soon. I'm ready for milk mania to slow down. Otherwise we need to buy a jersey cow for our backyard.

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'

When Jackson was around 3 months old, one of the workers at his former daycare told me that Jackson rolled over from tummy to back. I think she may have confused him with one of the other kids because he never rolled over again... until last week.

While John was at church last Wednesday evening, I put Jackson on the floor on his tummy so I could eat my dinner. I looked over, and the little booger just rolled right over onto his back like there was nothing to it. I raced to grab the video camera so I could capture the next roll over for John, but Jackson didn't do it again. Thankfully, John got to see him roll over while he was with him on Friday. Apparently Jackson enjoys entertaining the older girls at Albre's house by rolling over. She says he especially likes it when the girls cheer him on, encouraging him to roll. "Come on, Jackson. You can do it....  Yay, Jackson!"  He loves the attention. I wonder if he's going to be a ham like me?!

At the Park

Saturday we took Jackson for his first visit to Julia Davis Park where we walk the greenbelt in Boise.

The sun was shining, the air was warm with a light breeze... It was beautiful. Jackson absolutely loved it.

Then he decided he was over the stroller.

So we stopped for a dinner break.

Then he was happy again.

Jackson is quite the giggle box.

And he likes to talk!

He really seemed to take in the sights and sounds.

And he enjoyed spending time with mama and daddy.

It was a great day.  

We will always remember Jackson's first day at the park.

Crazy Neighbor

I came home from work this afternoon to discover my neighbor mowing the lawn... with a Battlestar Gallactica helmet on! You can't make this stuff up!

He saw me videotaping him and proceeded to freeze in a military-style salute. Then he said, "May I pose for you, madam?" (Totally in character, voice and all.) I said "Sure!" 

I told him I'm going to send the video to "America's Funniest Home Videos", and if I win any money, I'll split it with him. He said, "Cool!"

I'm not sure what's more disturbing...the helmet or the word "Hate" written in bright red letters on his arm. Yikes.

Sad Tuesday

You've heard of Fat Tuesday... Well, for me today is Sad Tuesday.

Jackson turned 5 months old yesterday. He is such a joy. It's hard to believe Jackson has been a part of our lives - well, the biggest part of my life - for 5 months now. In reality, the past year has really been all about jackson... growing him inside me, birthing him, feeding him, raising him. That process has been joy-filled, life altering and life consuming. He is a blessing! So why am I sad today? 

As I was feeding Jackson at 6:30 this morning, I looked down and realized how BIG he is compared to when he was first born. I thought of my friend Karen, who I knew was in the process of giving birth to her baby girl this morning. I thought of how tiny Jackson was when he was born, and how BIG he is now compared to those first precious days... That's when a wave of emotion rolled over me. In that moment I was reminded of how much my family is missing. Over the past 5 months, Jackson has grown and developed in leaps and bounds... and my family hasn't seen him since he was 7 weeks old. The most important people in my life are missing out on the most important part of my life. They're missing out on Jackson.

That's why I'm sad. Do I want to live in Elkhart, Indiana? Not necessarily. I know Nampa is where God wants us right now. But I never pictured myself having a baby and not being able to share that experience with my parents, my siblings, my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I grew up surrounded by family. I know that's rare, but that was my reality. And while I understand it's not probable that we will ever live geographically close to family, it sure would be nice to have the option to travel and see them. In our current situation, travel is so expensive out of Boise that we're not able to travel to be with family. At least when we lived in Kansas City, we could drive over for an occasional weekend.

So as I rejoice in Jackson's life, I also grieve the loss of sharing him with family. I'm thankful for modern technology that allows us to at least stay in touch. But it doesn't replace the hugs and kisses lost or the Sunday-dinner-laughter silenced. 

The reality of our world today is that people travel the world, global economies grow more interdependent, technology renders interpersonal contact unnecessary while facilitating commerce over virtual highways. In business, we call this globalization "progress". But somehow this "progress" doesn't quite bridge the gap when it comes to family. Family shouldn't have to watch family grow up on Skype and Facebook.

Spring Cleaning & Sick Baby

Jackson has been sick with cold symptoms since last Wednesday. He progressed from a stuffy/runny nose, to running a fever, then started coughing, and finally he started pulling on his ear. I called the doctor, and the on-call nurse (in Georgia!) suggested I take him to an urgent care center.
So Sunday morning I took Jackson to Quick Care. They tested him for RSV (negative, thank the Lord!) and looked at his ears. He has an ear infection, so they gave me a prescription for Amoxicilin (antibiotic). He seems to be doing better today, so I think he is on the mend.

Despite Jackson fussing on Saturday, with John's help I managed to invest a few hours in Spring cleaning. I boxed up all my maternity clothes and pregnancy items. (Yes, I know it should have been done 5 months ago.) I cleaned out the master bedroom, bathroom, and closet of all clothes and other items that I'm not using. I ended up with one full bag of trash and 4 big garbage bags full of items to donate. Now my dresser drawers are organized, my hanging clothes are organized by color, and best of all, we can see the floor in our closet!  :o)

Now I need to work on the rest of the house...

Pet Peeves and Other Things That Annoy Me

A friend of mine posted a list of pet peeves on Facebook recently, and it got me thinking about mine. As I started writing them down, I found the process rather cathartic and entertaining.... so much so that I'm now working on a list of my pet peeves at work. Enjoy my pet peeves, and feel free to share yours!

Peet Peeves and Other Things That Annoy Me

1. Public restrooms. (There is just something wrong about having to do your business 10 inches from someone doing theirs.)
2. Cheap toilet paper.
3. Not washing hands after using the bathroom.
4. People who are mean to animals.
5. Men who refer to "babysitting" their own children. (It's called fatherhood.)
6. Hamburgers on bread. (Hamburgers should be served on buns.)
7. Incorrect usage of the words your/you're, its/it's, and their/there/they're.
8. Celebrity worship.
9. Generic ketchup. (Heinz is the only acceptable brand.)
10. People who don't understand 4-way stops. (This was never a problem until I moved to Nampa.)
11. People who driver UNDER the speed limit. (Also a problem in Nampa.)
12. Rude service people. (If you want my business, be nice.)
13. Parents who bring babies and/or young children to movie theaters.
14. Molded plastic packaging that is impossible to remove.
15. People who blame anyone/anything but themselves for THEIR failure.
16. When someone dings up my car doors.
17. People who use coupons or checks in the express lane.
18. People who allow their pets to crap in my yard, and leave it for me to clean up.
19. When someone doesn't cover their mouth when sneezing/coughing.
20. Paying a babysitter so you can go on a date with your spouse only to have someone else's kid scream throughout your dinner.
21. When the child in #20 interrupts your meal by peeking over the booth repeatedly. (More importantly, the parents who allow it.)
22. Snoring.
23. People who smoke right outside the door of a nonsmoking establishment, getting smoke all over everybody who enters/leaves, and causing me to breathe carcinogens.
24. Old lady perfume.
25. People who ignore the "No Soliciting" sign and ring the doorbell anyway.
26. Overuse of the word "like".
27. Restaurants that serve Diet Pepsi. (Don't they know I want Diet Coke?!)
28. Hair left in the shower.
29. People who buy dogs at pet stores while millions die in shelters.
30. People who don't care for or train their pets properly, then get rid of them because of bad behavior. (There's no such thing as a bad dog. Just bad owners.)
31. When churches attempt to create a culture based on the latest church fad.
32. People who disturb the peace with their car stereos.
33. Working hard to prepare a nice meal only to have your husband pour Louisiana hot sauce all over it.
34. Worship wars.
35. Visible bra straps.
36. People who point out others' faults when they themselves are walking train wrecks.
37. Stores that don't take debit cards.
38. Drive-thru marketing. (If I wanted to try the new double-extra beef burger, I'd ask for it.)
39. People who pee on the toilet seat and don't wipe it up.
40. When cashiers try to get you to apply for a credit card.
41. Unsolicited parenting advice.
42. People who wear low-waisted pants that show their posteriors. (Say "no" to crack!)
43. Drunks.
44. People who leave their dogs in hot/cold vehicles.
45. Dirty restaurant bathrooms. (It makes me wonder how clean the kitchen is.)
46. Blonde jokes.
47. People who wear their pants down around their knees. (I don't want to see your underwear!)
48. When butter is too cold to spread, and it crumbles the bread/roll.
49. Slow internet connection.
50. "Skunk" hair-dos. (When someone dyes the bottom part of their hair dark and the top part light.)

Rash, rash, and more rash

Poor Jackson boy has eczema really bad.  Eczema is basically a skin rash caused by allergies.

Imagine having the world's worst itch and not being able to scratch it. That's what Jackson is dealing with right now. He literally scratches his face and head until he draws blood... and then he scratches some more. So, in an effort to keep Jackson from blood-letting, we put socks on his hands whenever we're not holding him. Unfortunately, smarty pants figured out how to get the socks off his hands!

I took Jackson to the doctor today because his rash has gotten worse. The way the rash looks doesn't bother me near as much as watching Jackson itch like crazy. The only effective treatment for eczema is to first treat the allergies that cause it and then treat the rash itself (to relieve the itching) with steroid creams. But our pediatrician says you can't give antihistamines (like Benadryl or Claritin) to babies until they're 6 months old. Steroids shouldn't be used on infants because they suppress the immune system and thin the skin. And since Jackson is too young for antihistamines, the pediatrician recommends treating the eczema with Aquafor ointment. Are you kidding me? That's really frustrating to hear because I've been using Aquafor on Jackson for weeks, and he has only gotten worse! He is suffering. So I went to the doctor today prepared. I wasn't going to take "no" for an answer. Jackson's pediatrician reluctantly agreed to let me use Cort-Aid on his face/neck for the next two weeks, just to give Jackson some short-term relief. Hopefully by then the bad eczema season will be ending... And as soon as Jackson turns 6 months old, we can start treating his allergies with Claritin.

The good news is that Jackson's allergies and eczema are not effecting his growth. He weighed 15.9 pounds today. So he gained one whole pound since his 4-month appointment (March 16) three weeks ago!

I feel so bad that Jackson has inherited my allergies. My little love bug has kept his happy, sweet spirit despite his discomfort. His favorite thing is bath time. He absolutely loves the water! I think it probably helps his skin feel better. Last night Jackson figured out how to splash in the water. And boy did he splash!

Easter Daze

Easter is so busy for us that is seemed to fly by in a haze. But we did take some time to remember the Reason for the season... and to enjoy Jackson's first Easter. 

Here are a few pictures from the weekend. I bundled up Jackson for the church Easter Egg Hunt. But when we arrived, I realized it was way too cold and windy for Jack, so we loaded back up in the car and headed home. The 15-minute excursion must have worn him out because he crashed out in the car.

 He even slept through me undressing him from his bundled up clothes.

 Here is a picture of my two handsome guys on Easter Sunday.

 Jackson would like to thank his Nana for the new shirt!

 "Okay, if you're not gonna give me any Easter candy, I'll settle for my hand."

Holy Busy Week

Earlier this week I posted on Facebook that what I was looking forward to most about Holy Week was having Good Friday off work. That's sad, I know. But I'm just keepin' it real. Holy Week isn't so "holy" for our family.

I never really thought about Holy Week being so busy until John became a pastor. On top of us both working all day long, we also have church events pretty much every day of Holy Week. Tuesday night we had a Children's Leadership Team meeting. Wednesday night John had church, and he worked with a group to fill the plastic eggs for Saturday's egg hunt. Thursday we had the Maundy Thursday service. Tonight is the Good Friday service. Saturday is the Easter Egg Hunt. (What on earth do eggs have to do with Easter anyway? I'd like to know.) Sunday we have the Sunrise service, all-church breakfast, two morning church services, and an evening baptism service. By the time everyone sings "He's Alive" on Easter Sunday morning, John is dead on his feet.

As Christians, Easter is a time for gratitude, reverence, and joy. I find it interesting that during the one week of the Christian calendar when we're suppose to be the most contemplative, we go into church overdrive, trying to cram in as many services and events as we can in an effort to honor God. I wonder if God would be just as pleased if we SLOWED DOWN to pause in celebration and honor of His sacrifice and love?

Happiness is Bath time

Nothing cuter than a naked baby butt!

 Show me your lip...

Now he's happy.

 

Okay, let's hear it happy boy.

And now for talk time.

Easter Dresses and Hamsters

I was thinking about Easter today. Our family had a tradition that the kids would always get new Easter dresses. (My brother didn't get Easter dresses. He got Easter outfits.) Sometimes our Easter dresses were hand-me-downs, but they were always "new" to us. Here is a family picture of us wearing our Easter duds. (Obviously this was before Brandon and Michelle arrived.)

I'm the skinny one on the left. My now-skinny (gorgeous) sister, Danae, is the chubby one in this photo. Go figure!

Sometimes money was tight, but Dad and Mom always made sure Easter was special because it was when we celebrated our Savior! We always received an Easter basket with candy, and each of us had our own special basket. Mom saved those baskets and re-used them every year. Usually we had a scavenger hunt on Easter morning where we followed clues to find our baskets.We looked forward to that every year!

One year my parents decided to make Easter extra special. They bought us each a hamster. There were three of us kids at that time, so they bought three male hamsters. Two of the hamsters were brown like this.

One was gray like this.

My parents carefully hid the hamsters in their bedroom the week before Easter, trying to keep them a secret until Easter morning. Imagine my parents' surprise when they woke Easter morning to discover the hamster they had temporarily named "Henry" had a nest full of babies! Henry turned out to be Henrietta. My Dad was even more surprised to discover that Henrietta had an appetite for her own babies. (It's awful, but true!) They quickly called the pet store for hamster baby how-to's. I remember hawking those hamster babies for weeks! "Baby hamster! Baby hamster! Get your baby hamster here!"

Jackson is too little to enjoy an Easter basket this year, but in a couple of years he will hunt eggs with great excitement. (I'm not really sure what eggs have to do with Easter, other than to make it more fun and special for kids...) Regardless, Easter is an important time of year for us as Christians. I look forward to sharing Easter with Jackson soon.

Needless to say The Year of the Hamster is definitely my favorite Easter memory. My parents never topped that one... why bother?